Jokes, Jokes, Jokes

[RickOShea]

Did you know if you flip over a canoe, you can wear it as a hat...

It is cap-sized ....

 

[Be Ready]

Dearest Lauren,

I'm so sorry for the things I said. I've been unable to sleep since I broke
off our relationship last month. I think about you day and night. Your
absence is breaking my heart and recently I've begun to realize that nobody
can take your place. Sweetheart, I miss you so much. Please call me.

All my love,

Robert

P.S. Congratulations on winning last week's Powerball Lottery!

 

[oldguywnewtoy]

What do call a girl with one leg shorter than the other--Eileen

What do you call a Chinese girl with one leg shorter than the other-- Eireen

 

[Be Ready]

A terminal patient was given three month to live.
He could not pay his bills, so his doctor gave him another three months.

 

[Be Ready]

The World Health Organization released a statement saying any dogs in quarantine for COVID should be released.
Yes, WHO let the dogs out.


That awkward moment when a zombie searching for brains walks right past you.


I saw a documentary on cheese last night.
It was G-rated.

 

[Just Joe]

Why did the hooker wear high heels?
She didn’t want to sell herself short.

 

[Be Ready]

My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"

I replied "no"

She responded,
"How about now?"

 

[Be Ready]

I got two Dobermans named Timex and Rolex...
They're watch dogs.

 

[Notorious J]

Sometimes I like to hide my wife's inhaler so the neighbors think I'm a stallion when they hear her gasping "Give it to me!

 

[Jchammbone]

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[Jchammbone]

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[Be Ready]

A woman takes a lover home during the day

while her husband is at work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, he sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home.

She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing
that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'

The man says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy: 'I have a baseball.'

Man: 'That's nice'

Boy: 'Want to buy it?'

Man: 'No, thanks.'

Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'

Man: 'OK, how much?'

Boy: '$250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: 'Dark in here.'

Man: 'Yes, it is.'

Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, How much?'

Boy: '$750'

Man: 'Sold.'

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'

The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'

The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'

Boy: '$1,000'

The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends like
that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession.'

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the
Confessional booth and closes the door...

The boy says, 'Dark in here.'

The priest says, 'Don't start that &%$# again..."

 

[Homebrew]

Saw a car with a bumper sticker that said, “I’m a vet, I drive like an animal.”

That made me realize how many proctologists are on the road.

 

[Be Ready]

 

[Be Ready]

Happy National Joke Day!!

 

[Warby]

is it just me or is this post not working?

 

[Be Ready]

is it just me or is this post not working?

Ding,ding,ding... We have a winner... Lol.
Tried to delete when the link didn’t work... Happy National Joke day !!

 

[Warby]

Ding,ding,ding... We have a winner... Lol.
Tried to delete when the link didn’t work... Happy National Joke day !!

Ok

 

[Be Ready]

dang it... not again
A recent study shows the effects of alcohol on a persons walking can be staggering.

 

[Be Ready]

Sometimes I wonder what ever happened to the people I’ve given directions too....