Jokes, Jokes, Jokes

[gotnitro]

Refusing to go to the gym is a form of resistance training.

A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks, ‘Is this stool taken?’

The rotation of Earth really makes my day.

 

[Be Ready]

Know why cannibals don't eat clowns?



They taste funny!

 

[Be Ready]

A pirate goes to the doctor to have the spots on his arm checked.
the dr. says "they're benign".
The pirate replies, "no, thar be 11, i counted 'm me self this morning".

 

[gotnitro]

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

 

[ied0135]

2 fish are sitting in a tank. One looks at the other and says "how the hell do we drive this thing?"

 

[#ARRMArcfanboy4life]

 

[Be Ready]

A Red Ship and a Blue Ship collided at Sea.
The Crews ended up marooned!

 

[#ARRMArcfanboy4life]

I thought that joke was going somewhere different. Before you tell me to get my mind out of the gutter, I was thinking it was going to be a doctor suess joke.

 

[gotnitro]

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Never trust atoms; they make up everything.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.

 

[Be Ready]

They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.
They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.

 

[gotnitro]

The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the ceiling!

Light travels faster than sound, which is the reason that some people appear bright before you hear them speak.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

 

[Be Ready]

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!” The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued. “As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
One, you have a dirty mind.
Two, you didn’t read your homework.
And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”

 

[#ARRMArcfanboy4life]

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!” The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued. “As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
One, you have a dirty mind.
Two, you didn’t read your homework.
And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”

I agree that the question mary thought was being asked shouldn't be asked in 6th grade.

 

[gotnitro]

I agree that the question mary thought was being asked shouldn't be asked in 6th grade.

No sh!t? lol... Mary's mind is in the gutter and anyone that thinks a penis grows 10x WOULD be in for a big surprise. (I'll wait for the peanut gallery to chime in saying) "MINE DOES"...

What makes a joke funny? They usually hold a granule of truth.

 

[Be Ready]

Yep... Mary’s mind is in the gutter.... Makes the joke funny.

 

[Be Ready]

I've been terrified of elevators for year!
So I've always taken steps to avoid them.

 

[gotnitro]

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected.

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

 

[SARRT8]

What does a trans kid and a vegan cat have n common??




Their owners

 

[Be Ready]

A little girl was watching her daddy repair his RC car.
She asked her mother, “What happens to old RC cars when they finally stop working?"Sighing, her mother answered: "Someone sells them to your father, dear.”

 

[Doom!]

A little girl was watching her daddy repair his RC car.
She asked her mother, “What happens to old RC cars when they finally stop working?"Sighing, her mother answered: "Someone sells them to your father, dear.”

It scares me that Mrs. Doom! Found this hilarious.