Jokes, Jokes, Jokes

Be Ready

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Post your best jokes here. I'll start with this one.

A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."
The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."

They walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said,
"This bull mated 120 times last year."
The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked a bit further and a third pen had a bull with a sign
saying,"This bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife got really excited and said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one!"
The husband looked at her and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow."
We are pleased to report that the husband's condition has now been upgraded from critical to stable. and he is expected to make a full recovery from his injuries.
 

Be Ready

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The first grade teacher was handing out Life Saver candies and asking the kids to guess what flavor they got. Little Tommy was first and guessed cherry. "Very good Tommy". Sally was next and guessed orange. Again, she was correct. Four or five flavors later she handed Suzie a honey flavored one. Suzie rolled the candy around in her mouth for several seconds then told the teacher that she just couldn't identify the flavor. Not wanting to single Suzie out she gave her a hint. "It's what your mommy sometimes calls your daddy" With that Little Tommy jumps up and yells " SPIT IT OUT SUZIE, IT'S A BUTT HOLE !!!"

Here's another
A three-legged dog that walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and announces:
''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''
 
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biggman100

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Someone will probably get offended by this, but here goes anyway. A blonde decides she is tired of the blonde jokes, so she dies her hair red. A few days later she is driving down a back road and sees a field full of sheep. She goes up to the shepherd and says "If i can guess how many sheep you have, can i have one?". He thinks to himself, she will never guess, so he agrees. She says, you have 376 sheep. Amazed, the shepherd asks, how did you do that? She doesn't answer, and just walks over and picks a sheep out, and says, i want this one. The shepherd says, ma'am you cant have that one. She asks why not? The shepherd simply says pick another one. The blonde says, but i want this one. They go back and forth a few times about it, until the shepherd sighs and says, "Ma'am, if i guess your real hair color, can i have my dog back?".

A blonde gets on a plane headed to Los Angeles. She immediately heads to first class. The stewardess says, ma'am, you must go back to coach. The blonde asks, why? The stewardess says, because you have a coach ticket. The blonde says, im blonde, im beautiful, and im going to LA first class. The stewardess says, but, Ma'am, you don't have a first class ticket. The blonde repeats herself, only a bit louder this time. The stewardess then starts to tell the blonde, you don't have, and the blonde interrupts her by standing up and yelling as loud as she can, i am blonde, i am beautiful, and i am going to LA first class. Exasperated, the stewardess goes to get the pilot, and, when she explains what is going on, the co-pilot says, my wife is blonde, i know how to handle this. He goes back and whispers something in the blondes ear. The blonde then jumps up, runs back, and finds her assigned seat. Amazed, the stewardess asks, what did you say to her? The co-pilot says, oh, not much. I just told her first class wasnt going to LA.
 

Notorious J

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Someone will probably get offended by this, but here goes anyway. A blonde decides she is tired of the blonde jokes, so she dies her hair red. A few days later she is driving down a back road and sees a field full of sheep. She goes up to the shepherd and says "If i can guess how many sheep you have, can i have one?". He thinks to himself, she will never guess, so he agrees. She says, you have 376 sheep. Amazed, the shepherd asks, how did you do that? She doesn't answer, and just walks over and picks a sheep out, and says, i want this one. The shepherd says, ma'am you cant have that one. She asks why not? The shepherd simply says pick another one. The blonde says, but i want this one. They go back and forth a few times about it, until the shepherd sighs and says, "Ma'am, if i guess your real hair color, can i have my dog back?".

A blonde gets on a plane headed to Los Angeles. She immediately heads to first class. The stewardess says, ma'am, you must go back to coach. The blonde asks, why? The stewardess says, because you have a coach ticket. The blonde says, im blonde, im beautiful, and im going to LA first class. The stewardess says, but, Ma'am, you don't have a first class ticket. The blonde repeats herself, only a bit louder this time. The stewardess then starts to tell the blonde, you don't have, and the blonde interrupts her by standing up and yelling as loud as she can, i am blonde, i am beautiful, and i am going to LA first class. Exasperated, the stewardess goes to get the pilot, and, when she explains what is going on, the co-pilot says, my wife is blonde, i know how to handle this. He goes back and whispers something in the blondes ear. The blonde then jumps up, runs back, and finds her assigned seat. Amazed, the stewardess asks, what did you say to her? The co-pilot says, oh, not much. I just told her first class wasnt going to LA.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
 

Be Ready

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Here's my Blonde joke.
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken
 

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A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
The blonde was very angry about this. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
The blonde did not know how the salesman had recognized her. This time, she got a haircut and new color, a new outfit and big sunglasses. She then waited a few days before she approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
 

Be Ready

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An 85-year-old man had to take a sperm count for his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a sample tomorrow.”

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained.

“Well, doc, it’s like this–first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.”

The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?”

The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get the jar open.”
 

Rigcheck

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A cowboy rode into town, got off his horse, lifted its tail and kissed it where the sun doesn’t shine.

“What d’you do that for?” asked an old timer sitting outside the saloon.

“Got chapped lips,” replied the cowboy.

“And does that help?”

“Nope. But it keeps me from lickin’ ‘em.”
 

Hammer Down

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A cowboy rode into town, got off his horse, lifted its tail and kissed it where the sun doesn’t shine.

“What d’you do that for?” asked an old timer sitting outside the saloon.

“Got chapped lips,” replied the cowboy.

“And does that help?”

“Nope. But it keeps me from lickin’ ‘em.”
Maybe best joke EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
 

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Worst joke ever.

Going to pick up my Senton tomorrow morning.

Got different lipo adaptors just in case.

Borrowed a charger until mine arrives.

No batteries. Only could find 4s 2nd hand for now. :/ oh and broke
FB_IMG_1573765713357.jpg
 
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Be Ready

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Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?"
"None.",replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nevously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."
 

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