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Mule Trading

Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."

Curtis & Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule." The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?" Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off." The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!" Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!" A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked. "What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?" They said, "We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do." Leroy said, "Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998." The farmer said ,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?" Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back." Curtis and Leroy now work for the government. They're overseeing the Bailout & Stimulus Programs.
 
An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles, put them on another man and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."

The German doctor says: " That's nothing, in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."

The Russian doctor says: " Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."

The Canadian doctor laughs: " You all are behind us. About 4 years ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart, and no balls and made him prime minister. Now, the whole country is looking for work."
 
A pirate walks into a bar and the bar tender says "did you know you have a ships wheel in your pants"? the pirate answers..."aye, and it's driving me nuts"!
 
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
 
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to medical school.

One of the questions asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered “spine” are doctors today.
 
A gay couple are about to take a shower together before entering one says I have to go get something and says to his partner don’t cum without me. When he returns to the shower there was cum all over the walls and says I told you not to cum without me and he then replies I didn’t I just farted
 
Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed my shotgun and the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to load the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”

She sleepily replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out hunting right now?
 
Three Rednecks were working
on the BellSouth tower - Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve
falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says,
"Someone should go and tell his wife."

Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff,
I'll do it.
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a
case of Budweiser. Bruce says, "Where did you get that,
Jed?"

"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband
was dead and she gave you beer? "Well, not exactly",
Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her,
'You must be Steve's widow'. "She said, "No, I'm not
a widow. "
And I said, "I'll bet you a case of
Budweiser you are".
 
A Guy knocked on my door this morning and said, "Could you spare 5 minutes to do an opinion poll?"
I replied, "Sorry dude, my opinion isn't in at the moment, she's out shopping.
 
There were these two Californian's that got lost hunting in Texas so the 1 Californian shoots 3 shots in the air and waits but nobody comes, so he fired 3 more shots in the air and still nobody came and he kept doing that until he ran out of arrows.
 
I walked into the local coffee shop the other day and was approached by an older gentleman in overalls. Sonny,he said, its so cold out this morning that I saw a Democrat with his hands in his own pockets. Wow, now that's cold.
 
A man and his wife were working in the garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says " You know, your butt is getting bigger. Heck, I think it's wider than the grill!"
He proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill. Then he measured his wife's butt. "Yep, I was right! Your butt is a full 2 inches wider than the grill!"
That night, the husband was feeling a little frisky and turned to his wife, but she just brushed him off. "What's wrong?" he asked. She replied, "Do you really think I'm gonna fire up this 'big grill' for one little weiner?"
 
A man gets a call from the hospital and is told his wife was in an accident and he needs to come down right away.
When he arrives, he asks the surgeon if his wife is ok. The surgeon tells him, “Sir, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is that in order to save your wife’s life, I had to remove a large portion of her brain. You will have to devote your life to feeding her, bathing her, changing her and whatever else she may need.”
The man drops to his knees and cries out.
“Oh God Why! This is terrible! What possible good news could there be?!”
The doc says, “Sir, the good news is, I’m joking. She’s Dead.”
 

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