Jokes, Jokes, Jokes

[Just Joe]

Termite walks into a bar & asks “is the bartender here” ?‍
A guy walks into bar & says OW!! ?‍?‍

 

[Be Ready]

 

[Be Ready]

If 2020 was a drink, it would be a colonoscopy prep.

Bye Bye 2020 !!!

 

[Be Ready]

Q: How did the blonde die raking leaves?

A: She fell out of the tree.

 

[Just Joe]

Ha ha

 

[Be Ready]

A Blonde working in a mirror factory is something she can totally see herself doing....

 

[Be Ready]

I got a PlayStation 5 for my wife.
Best trade ever.

 

[Be Ready]

When I was 16 years old, I knew that my father was not too smart.
When I turned 21, I was amazed at how much my father had learned in only five years!

 

[Be Ready]

FOR SALE: tic tacs


slightly used but, still in mint condition....

 

[Just Joe]

Can’t wait to drop this gem on my co-worker who is the recipient of my Dad jokes, he rolls his eyes and points & tell me GO!!!

 

[Jeremy in WI]

It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar.
It's a 35 minute walk from the bar to my house.

The difference is staggering.

 

[Just Joe]

Some have referred to me as “The Gouda Father of Cheesy Jokes”

 

[IrieWheeler]

Maybe not on second thought...

 

[Be Ready]

Everyone can use a little “grammar” update now and then, so here’s yours for today...

Is it "complete", "finished", or "completely finished"?
No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these
two words - "Complete" or "Finished".

In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best
in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing
ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was: 'How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and
FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference
between COMPLETE and FINISHED.'

Here is his astute answer:

"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong
woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one,
you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"


He won a trip around the world and a case of 25 year old Scotch!

 

[Be Ready]

Two fish swim into a wall.. one turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

 

[Be Ready]

My mother in law was staying with us and left this morning with a massive case of diarrhea.

she won't find out until she gets home and unpacks her luggage.

 

[Be Ready]

A doctor and his wife were sunbathing on a beach when a well-endowed, beautiful, young, blonde woman in a tight-fitting bikini strolled passed.
The woman looked at the doctor, smiled seductively, and said in a very sexy voice, “Hi there handsome. How are you doing?” before wiggling her backside and walking off.
“Who was that?” demanded the doctor’s wife.
“Just a woman I met professionally,” replied the doctor.
“Oh yeah?” snarled his wife, “In whose profession? Yours or hers?"

 

[Be Ready]

Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Johnny?”

“My goldfish died,” replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”

Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your friggin cat.”

 

[Be Ready]

Last night I ate at a Stars Wars themed restaurant, ordered the Wookie steak. It was a little Chewy.

 

[gotnitro]

A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."