Laid a fart at work today

[djrahbee]

 

[Johnny b]

Howard Stern would have Fartman on his show. Farted Jingle Bells and was right on key! Raw talent!

 

[SrC]

I let a McDonalds Breakfast Burrito Methane bomb blow off inside the TSA Sniffer machine. I got patted down on the way out.
I asked them if the Titanium in my body set the machine off. I got much metal in me. I played stupid.

 

[Tex Koder]

Years ago ,I had a rushed trip and didn't have time to have room service wash my dirty underwear before I had to catch my flight back home.. so I just toss them all in my duffel bag.

The TSA agent insisted that I Open my bag...
I looked at them.. with a "Are you sure..?" look.

Okay..
So I did and they rifled through my dirty undies that was right on top of my other dirty clothes.
They were lucky to be wearing gloves...
But they weren't wearing any masks..

 

[MrTitanium]

I got much metal in me.

Same here.

 

[SrC]

Ti screws in my knee and hand. Ti mesh for my face and eye socket.
My face looks like the Terminator's on X-rays. They called me the Terminator at my Job. Because I look like him in Cop uniform from the first Movie.

 

[Tex Koder]

Ti screws in my knee and hand. Ti mesh for my face and eye socket.
My face looks like the Terminator's on X-rays. They called me the Terminator at my Job. Because I look like him in Cop uniform from the first Movie.

Do you wear those Gargoyle shades..
Even at night??

 

[slick2500]

Due to the modified GMO agents used in the TB beef mixing with your gut enzymes.. a bioconversion occurs in your large intestine that will produce a concentrated form of VX gas.
So you must be careful where you drop your silent ABs... or it will cause mass SUDS.

Uh not a lot of gas mostly liquid after Taco Bell.

 

[Tex Koder]

Uh not a lot of gas mostly liquid after Taco Bell.

If you need an Extra Boost of gas..

You should ask them to load up Double Servings of pinto beans to your crispy tacos or burrito supremes

 

[gotnitro]

If you need an Extra Boost of gas..

You should ask them to load up Double Servings of pinto beans to your crispy tacos or burrito supremes

The Haymaker:

10oz cabbage, 1 apple, 1 GYRO w everything.

If you are the eater, wait about 1 hour.

If you are the server, take cover.

 

[SrC]

No wet shatting allowed....
I did patrol with a partner for some years who would need his constitutional during a tour. He would give a heads up. I would say here's a clean place to stop. He would pass and we would look for another Dunky D's or something. Then during a code 3, light'em up for a job fortwith and I could smell he shat himself.. He did this quite too often for my liking. Like clockwork. It was a problem. And For me.
Those were the days I don't miss. Had guys in cuffs in the back seat and they would be crying in Shat Stink.
Just my partner loved the job so much, he wouldn't take a 15 minute 10-63 personal when needed. Best partner I ever had ironically. He made Sergent. And moved up the ranks
Poor guy had to Retire because he has terminal stomach cancer now. No job is worth that much.

 

[SrC]

Cabbage is supposedly extremely healthy for you. Antioxidents and all.
I just can't handle it though. Rips me apart....

 

[Tex Koder]

Cabbage is supposedly extremely healthy for you. Antioxidents and all.
I just can't handle it though. Rips me apart....

It's all in the cooking process..
You can make it in dumplings, soups, fried rice, or kimchi.

All sorts of ways to enjoy a large head of cabbage!

 

[SrC]

Cabbage is delicious no doubt.
Now I am getting hungry for some.
And the methane will fuel my Home heating now.

 

[john 8s]

Didn't lay on at work today, instead one on my wife's leg in bed.

 

[Tex Koder]

Cabbage is delicious no doubt.
Now I am getting hungry for some.
And the methane will fuel my Home heating now.

View attachment 332863

Tough pants..

Fireproof..
Is it Dickie's?

Didn't lay on at work today, instead one on my wife's leg in bed.

She felt the warmth of your love..?
.


@MrTitanium
So when is your Fun HR microaggression meeting?

 

[MrTitanium]

Ti screws in my knee and hand. Ti mesh for my face and eye socket.
My face looks like the Terminator's on X-rays. They called me the Terminator at my Job. Because I look like him in Cop uniform from the first Movie.

Titanium screw to hold together my left elbow and titanium screw to hold my left 4th finger to its knuckle.
Love me some Polish cabbage and kelbasa sausage with sour cream and mustard! My intestines, not so much.

Cabbage is supposedly extremely healthy for you. Antioxidents and all.
I just can't handle it though. Rips me apart....

Love me some Polish fried cabbage and kelbasa sausage with sour cream and mustard! My intestines, meh, not so much.

@MrTitanium
So when is your Fun HR microaggression meeting?

Took place on Friday via Zoom. I "attended" with me on the balcony, laptop open, and stogie sticking out of my mouth.

No booze cause, ya know, it wouldn't be ethically correct to drink when on company time.

 

[Big Sexy]

Farts are funny!!!!

 

[Tex Koder]

We attend a park resort in the Central Florida Region sometimes twice a year. I hate crying kids, I know I know, wrong place to go!! But when I hear or see an annoying crying kid my radar locks on and I go in for the "crop dusting"!! We play a game and try to guess what the little fuc, uuuummm, I mean the little kids reaction will be and to what thier reaction will be to?, The sound or smell???? The little shi, I mean little kids reactions are the BEST!!!! Especially being 6'2", my fart box usually lines up with the little shi..., the little ones faces!!!!!
Yes!! Farts still make me giggle like a little kid at the immature age of 49!!!!

 

[SrC]

No wet shatting allowed....
I did patrol with a partner for some years who would need his constitutional during a tour. He would give a heads up. I would say here's a clean place to stop. He would pass and we would look for another Dunky D's or something. Then during a code 3, light'em up for a job fortwith and I could smell he shat himself.. He did this quite too often for my liking. Like clockwork. It was a problem. And For me.
Those were the days I don't miss. Had guys in cuffs in the back seat and they would be crying in Shat Stink.
Just my partner loved the job so much, he wouldn't take a 15 minute 10-63 personal when needed. Best partner I ever had ironically. He made Sergent. And moved up the ranks
Poor guy had to Retire because he has terminal stomach cancer now. No job is worth that much.

There's a reason why they say "Crap happens"....